Can you believe it's December? Before we know it, it'll be January and we'll have both feet firmly planted in 2009. Yikes.
This is a great time to look back at 2008, and take its measure. How was your year? Think back. Did you make any resolutions -- and did you meet 'em?
[uncomfortable silence.]
OK, I hear you. Let's look back in a different way. Take out a piece of paper. I want you to write down 25 things you accomplished in 2008. I'll do it, too. Here goes:
1. Took out the trash and recycling every week.
Hey, believe me, that is an accomplishment.
2. Paid off and closed two credit cards.
3. Got my mammogram.
4. Started writing an advice column at BettyConfidential.com.
5. Met, then exceeded, my goals for my coaching practice.
6. Never forgot my kids' orthodontist appointments.
7. Got my roof fixed.
8. Did more public speaking.
9. Stuck to my budget.
10. Made time for my friends.
11. Volunteered to chair a committee.
12. Went to the dentist twice.
13. Taught more classes.
14. Co-chaired my high school reunion.
15. Re-connected with old friends.
16. Took my kids to a baseball game at the new Nationals Park.
17. Published my book.
18. Held a yard sale.
19. Chaperoned a 6th grade field trip.
20. Got a new stove, fridge, dishwasher and microwave. Fun week.
21. Paid my taxes.
22. Took good risks.
23. Read 47 books.
24. Got national press coverage.
25. Laughed often.
What's your list like? What does it tell you about your unspoken goals -- your real resolutions, if you want to call them that -- for 2008? My list reveals that taking care of my own physical and financial health, and the well-being of my kids, was paramount. It appears I also served my goal of being connected -- with people, with my community and with myself. How about you? What did you do?
2008 was an up-and-down year for so many of us. You had the money in March to plan for a vacation in December, but now wonder if you can really afford to take it. We had $4 gas in August, and $1.75 gas in November. We've had lay-offs, foreclosures and financial melt-downs. Plenty of us have lost loved ones or faced serious illness. It would be easy to say, "Ick! 2008 was horrible!" yet your list may tell a different story.
Even in a difficult year, you did stuff. You made progress. You accomplished. That's where you need to focus -- not on all the up-and-down-ness. Believe it or not, your best 2009 resolutions will spring from the list of what you've done this year.
So spend some time cataloguing and acknowledging your accomplishments, and next week we'll take a look forward and spell out some achievable goals -- so you can make 2009 your best year yet.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Power of You
There's a quote I particularly love... do you know it?
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."(Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
)
When I work with people -- whether they're looking for a job, or trying to do the job they have better, whether they have a big decision to make or a crisis to handle -- they focus on where they feel weak. Time after time I see people stuck and wallowing in their deficit, when the only solution is to stand in their strengths.
To allow themselves to be powerful beyond measure.
What do I mean? How do you shift from a position of weakness to strength?
It's not waiting for someone else to give you permission to do what's best for you.
It's saying what you need to say -- including the word "no" -- rather than what you're expected to say.
It's doing more of what you're good at and that you like, rather than doing things that sap you.
It's about knowing, deeply, yourself and loving everything about you. Even the extra pounds, the bad hair days, the annoying habits, the fear. 'Cuz once you love that about yourself, you are open to loving it about others.
When you stand in your power, you become powerful beyond measure. I'm not talking about the kind of power that gives you dominion over others or makes you rich or famous. I'm talking about the kind of power that makes you clear. Happy. Certain. Authentic.
I'm talking about the power that you already have inside you. I'm talking about The Power of You.
It's right there inside you -- all your strengths, gifts and talents. All you have to do is use them. Every day. And you will profoundly change your life.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."(Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
)When I work with people -- whether they're looking for a job, or trying to do the job they have better, whether they have a big decision to make or a crisis to handle -- they focus on where they feel weak. Time after time I see people stuck and wallowing in their deficit, when the only solution is to stand in their strengths.
To allow themselves to be powerful beyond measure.
What do I mean? How do you shift from a position of weakness to strength?
It's not waiting for someone else to give you permission to do what's best for you.
It's saying what you need to say -- including the word "no" -- rather than what you're expected to say.
It's doing more of what you're good at and that you like, rather than doing things that sap you.
It's about knowing, deeply, yourself and loving everything about you. Even the extra pounds, the bad hair days, the annoying habits, the fear. 'Cuz once you love that about yourself, you are open to loving it about others.
When you stand in your power, you become powerful beyond measure. I'm not talking about the kind of power that gives you dominion over others or makes you rich or famous. I'm talking about the kind of power that makes you clear. Happy. Certain. Authentic.
I'm talking about the power that you already have inside you. I'm talking about The Power of You.
It's right there inside you -- all your strengths, gifts and talents. All you have to do is use them. Every day. And you will profoundly change your life.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
What's Next?
What do women in prison and Republican political appointees, and maybe even you and me, all have in common?
We all ask the same question: "What's next?"
This past week I spoke to a group of women inmates at a correctional facility in Maryland about how to discover and live into their strengths. The basic point: do more of what you're good at and that inspires you, and you'll be living a happier life.
The difficult part is that so many of these women, and so many of the rest of us, have gotten so far from those things we love to do that we can't even recall what they are. And when you're battling addiction it's hard to say you love anything more than what you're hooked on. Most of these women know that loving crack doesn't get you anywhere. But jail. Or death.
To reconnect with their passions, I urged them to think back to their young girlhoods. "When you were ten or eleven or twelve, how did you spend your time? What did you love then?" It's interesting what pops out when I ask these questions -- almost everyone can answer with something, and it's usually something that unlocks a hidden passion. And when you identify a passion and a strength, you can begin to form an idea of work that can flow from that. An avid babysitter can become a childcare worker. A former athlete can work in a fitness center. An artist can work with paint.
During the question and answer period a woman raised her hand and said, "I'm a professional journalist and I'm turning 50 next week. Who's going to hire me after I've been in here?" To be honest with you, she looked like a Ralph Lauren model, and I wondered what life path had brought her to jail as I considered how to answer her question.
"Well, if writing is a strength for you," I ventured, "maybe you can write about this experience. Show people that you can write, and my guess is that you can get hired."
"What about fear?" she asked. Heads around the room nodded in agreement. "Fear's a big barrier," I acknowledged. "But there's reasonable fear and unreasonable fear. Reasonable fear is facing a charging bear, or someone with a gun in their hand. It's real. Unreasonable fear comes from a part of you called the social self -- what will people think? -- and the only antidote is to focus on what's real. Your strengths? They're real. Your passions? Real. Focus there, rather than on your fear, and you'll be OK."
Tomorrow I'm going to speak to about 150 Republican political appointees here in Washington, DC, who will lose their jobs as of Inauguration Day. I imagine there's plenty of fear for them, too, as they look into a future where politics are dominated by Democrats, and jobs are scarce. I'll talk with them about identifying and playing to their strengths, about facing their fears, about creating a reasonable action plan grounded in what's possible rather than what should be.
I imagine I'll take several questions very similar to those asked of me in the jail. Maybe it's the human condition that causes each of us, regardless of our life's path, to ask, "What's next?" And, truly, what's next is unknowable. What is knowable is who you are, what you're good at and how to live your best possible life. What I know to my very marrow is that living into your strengths -- into the gifts and talents you already have -- is the key to living a happier life. And finding work that matters.
We all ask the same question: "What's next?"
This past week I spoke to a group of women inmates at a correctional facility in Maryland about how to discover and live into their strengths. The basic point: do more of what you're good at and that inspires you, and you'll be living a happier life.
The difficult part is that so many of these women, and so many of the rest of us, have gotten so far from those things we love to do that we can't even recall what they are. And when you're battling addiction it's hard to say you love anything more than what you're hooked on. Most of these women know that loving crack doesn't get you anywhere. But jail. Or death.
To reconnect with their passions, I urged them to think back to their young girlhoods. "When you were ten or eleven or twelve, how did you spend your time? What did you love then?" It's interesting what pops out when I ask these questions -- almost everyone can answer with something, and it's usually something that unlocks a hidden passion. And when you identify a passion and a strength, you can begin to form an idea of work that can flow from that. An avid babysitter can become a childcare worker. A former athlete can work in a fitness center. An artist can work with paint.
During the question and answer period a woman raised her hand and said, "I'm a professional journalist and I'm turning 50 next week. Who's going to hire me after I've been in here?" To be honest with you, she looked like a Ralph Lauren model, and I wondered what life path had brought her to jail as I considered how to answer her question.
"Well, if writing is a strength for you," I ventured, "maybe you can write about this experience. Show people that you can write, and my guess is that you can get hired."
"What about fear?" she asked. Heads around the room nodded in agreement. "Fear's a big barrier," I acknowledged. "But there's reasonable fear and unreasonable fear. Reasonable fear is facing a charging bear, or someone with a gun in their hand. It's real. Unreasonable fear comes from a part of you called the social self -- what will people think? -- and the only antidote is to focus on what's real. Your strengths? They're real. Your passions? Real. Focus there, rather than on your fear, and you'll be OK."
Tomorrow I'm going to speak to about 150 Republican political appointees here in Washington, DC, who will lose their jobs as of Inauguration Day. I imagine there's plenty of fear for them, too, as they look into a future where politics are dominated by Democrats, and jobs are scarce. I'll talk with them about identifying and playing to their strengths, about facing their fears, about creating a reasonable action plan grounded in what's possible rather than what should be.
I imagine I'll take several questions very similar to those asked of me in the jail. Maybe it's the human condition that causes each of us, regardless of our life's path, to ask, "What's next?" And, truly, what's next is unknowable. What is knowable is who you are, what you're good at and how to live your best possible life. What I know to my very marrow is that living into your strengths -- into the gifts and talents you already have -- is the key to living a happier life. And finding work that matters.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Smart Networking
When the going gets tough, the tough get... in touch with their networks.
"You mean, Michele, that with the economy in free fall, the best thing I can do is network?" Incredulity is to truth as ham is to... what? [easy now, that's just a SAT analogy flashback]
OK, 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral. So it only makes sense that when unemployment is rising, and the economy is falling, your circle of friends and acquaintances becomes your most important insurance policy. 'Tis true, the people who know and like to work with you can speak most eloquently on your behalf. It also never hurts to have such a gold plated circle of contacts that your boss can't possibly fire you.
Over at BettyConfidential.com, I hammer on the importance of networking. Kinda thought I was the Queen of Networking. Until I met Liz Lynch. She's the true Queen of Networking, poppets, and I bow deeply to her.
Liz has a new book you're going to want to read -- Smart Networking: Attract A Following In Person And Online
-- and despite my pretensions toward her throne, I got to enter the presence of the Queen and ask a few questions.
How do you define networking, Liz? "So many people see networking as going to events and meeting new people, but my definition is much broader. I define a 'network' as a support system of people you can turn to for help, advice, ideas, and information. 'Networking,' then, is simply the process of building and maintaining that support system, and being able to tap into it when you need help."
I have quite a few clients who've found themselves unexpectedly out of a job. Happening all over the world, in many different sectors. When you have to find a job fast, I asked Liz, do you just scramble to find a job, any job, and forget about the network? "Actually, quite the opposite," Liz said. "Building a network does take time, but the good news is that everyone has a network already. People we’ve worked with, gone to school with, live near, play tennis with, etc. When you really need to get something done, it’s these people, your most raving fans, that you should turn to first. While they may not be in a position to hire you themselves, you can get valuable advice on your job search and some may even be able to introduce you to others in their network who work at companies you’re interested in. If nothing else, having moral support in these tough times can help you maintain confidence."
I told Liz that I love to work with professional women who are re-entering the workforce. Many of them whine, I mean, express deep concern, that their network is stale and out-of-date. Liz suggested, "What’s really great about networking now is all of the online options that are available that you can do on your own time and without having to leave the house. An at-home mom can start to build her online network on LinkedIn and Facebook, and connect with folks she already knows. That way she gets on the radar screens of her old colleagues and can reach out to them much more easily once she’s ready to start exploring her options. She can also start a business blog where once a week she can comment on news and trends in her industry. This is important because once she gets into job mode again, hiring managers are going to Google her. When her blog comes up and they read her insights and wisdom, it might just tip the scales in her favor."
Some small business owners see people in the same line of work as competition. Is there any benefit from growing a network with your competitors, Liz? Quoth the Queen, "My general philosophy with life is that there is more than enough to go around. Do you want to turn business away just so your competitor can prosper? No. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself or give away your trade secrets, but being open to cooperation leads to win-win-win opportunities, where 1+1 can equal 5.
"For example, I have great relationships with other networking experts, and I feature some of them in the book. Why would I do this? Because it helps everybody. Readers get the benefit of hearing other experiences. The experts get the benefit of exposure in an international book, and hopefully because they’re in it, they’ll be willing to recommend it to their friends, colleagues and customers."
See why Liz Lynch is the Queen of Networking?
From her vantage point upon her throne, I wanted to know what her own network has done for her. Liz told me, "It’s amazing when I think of how much my network has come through for me, and writing the book helped me remember so many of those moments. When I first left corporate America in 2000 to start my own consulting business, my network gave me nearly all of my business those first two years. Some hired me directly, some referred me to people they knew, and some just listened and gave me input on how to position myself. More recently, I got my book deal with McGraw-Hill without an agent as a first-time author with one email to someone in my network.
"For those who might be thinking that I have magical people in my Rolodex, I don’t. They’re all very special to me, but they’re not household names. The reason they’re willing to help me is because I’ve built the relationship to last and I’ve mastered the art of the ask, two very important topics I cover in Smart Networking."
The trick to successful investing is to buy low and sell high. When others are out of the market, there are often great openings for the taking. The same is true with networking. When so many people hunker down in fear, you can invest in your network. You can organize a volunteer activity for a group, or arrange a happy hour, or a lunch. You can step up your email contacts, or jump on Twitter or Facebook,or LinkedIn, where staying on your network's radar screen is easy.
Invest in your network now, and someday, just maybe, you'll sit high upon your own throne as the King or Queen Of Connections.
"You mean, Michele, that with the economy in free fall, the best thing I can do is network?" Incredulity is to truth as ham is to... what? [easy now, that's just a SAT analogy flashback]
OK, 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral. So it only makes sense that when unemployment is rising, and the economy is falling, your circle of friends and acquaintances becomes your most important insurance policy. 'Tis true, the people who know and like to work with you can speak most eloquently on your behalf. It also never hurts to have such a gold plated circle of contacts that your boss can't possibly fire you.
Over at BettyConfidential.com, I hammer on the importance of networking. Kinda thought I was the Queen of Networking. Until I met Liz Lynch. She's the true Queen of Networking, poppets, and I bow deeply to her.
Liz has a new book you're going to want to read -- Smart Networking: Attract A Following In Person And Online
-- and despite my pretensions toward her throne, I got to enter the presence of the Queen and ask a few questions.How do you define networking, Liz? "So many people see networking as going to events and meeting new people, but my definition is much broader. I define a 'network' as a support system of people you can turn to for help, advice, ideas, and information. 'Networking,' then, is simply the process of building and maintaining that support system, and being able to tap into it when you need help."
I have quite a few clients who've found themselves unexpectedly out of a job. Happening all over the world, in many different sectors. When you have to find a job fast, I asked Liz, do you just scramble to find a job, any job, and forget about the network? "Actually, quite the opposite," Liz said. "Building a network does take time, but the good news is that everyone has a network already. People we’ve worked with, gone to school with, live near, play tennis with, etc. When you really need to get something done, it’s these people, your most raving fans, that you should turn to first. While they may not be in a position to hire you themselves, you can get valuable advice on your job search and some may even be able to introduce you to others in their network who work at companies you’re interested in. If nothing else, having moral support in these tough times can help you maintain confidence."
I told Liz that I love to work with professional women who are re-entering the workforce. Many of them whine, I mean, express deep concern, that their network is stale and out-of-date. Liz suggested, "What’s really great about networking now is all of the online options that are available that you can do on your own time and without having to leave the house. An at-home mom can start to build her online network on LinkedIn and Facebook, and connect with folks she already knows. That way she gets on the radar screens of her old colleagues and can reach out to them much more easily once she’s ready to start exploring her options. She can also start a business blog where once a week she can comment on news and trends in her industry. This is important because once she gets into job mode again, hiring managers are going to Google her. When her blog comes up and they read her insights and wisdom, it might just tip the scales in her favor."
Some small business owners see people in the same line of work as competition. Is there any benefit from growing a network with your competitors, Liz? Quoth the Queen, "My general philosophy with life is that there is more than enough to go around. Do you want to turn business away just so your competitor can prosper? No. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself or give away your trade secrets, but being open to cooperation leads to win-win-win opportunities, where 1+1 can equal 5.
"For example, I have great relationships with other networking experts, and I feature some of them in the book. Why would I do this? Because it helps everybody. Readers get the benefit of hearing other experiences. The experts get the benefit of exposure in an international book, and hopefully because they’re in it, they’ll be willing to recommend it to their friends, colleagues and customers."
See why Liz Lynch is the Queen of Networking?
From her vantage point upon her throne, I wanted to know what her own network has done for her. Liz told me, "It’s amazing when I think of how much my network has come through for me, and writing the book helped me remember so many of those moments. When I first left corporate America in 2000 to start my own consulting business, my network gave me nearly all of my business those first two years. Some hired me directly, some referred me to people they knew, and some just listened and gave me input on how to position myself. More recently, I got my book deal with McGraw-Hill without an agent as a first-time author with one email to someone in my network.
"For those who might be thinking that I have magical people in my Rolodex, I don’t. They’re all very special to me, but they’re not household names. The reason they’re willing to help me is because I’ve built the relationship to last and I’ve mastered the art of the ask, two very important topics I cover in Smart Networking."
The trick to successful investing is to buy low and sell high. When others are out of the market, there are often great openings for the taking. The same is true with networking. When so many people hunker down in fear, you can invest in your network. You can organize a volunteer activity for a group, or arrange a happy hour, or a lunch. You can step up your email contacts, or jump on Twitter or Facebook,or LinkedIn, where staying on your network's radar screen is easy.
Invest in your network now, and someday, just maybe, you'll sit high upon your own throne as the King or Queen Of Connections.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Enough Advice Already
Aren't you weary of all the people out there giving advice? I am.
Pundits proclaim that this candidate is up, or that one is. Polls are accurate, polls lie. He's five points up, seven points up, thirteen points down; there's a bounce, no-bounce. He should attack, he's too nice; he makes sense, he doesn't make sense. Vote for him, vote for her, vote against him, vote against her.
Aaaargh.
Then there's our financial situation.
One guy says, "Pay only cash!" and another says, "Use your credit or you'll lose it!"
One woman, the one with those oddly transfixing eyes (you know who I mean), says, "Make an extra mortgage payment to lower your principal" and the other female financial advisor says, "Don't make that extra mortgage payment -- put it in savings in case you lose your job."
Honestly, I have advice fatigue.
So, I'm not going to give you advice on the economy or the campaign or building a business or even home decorating.
I'm going to remind you that life is short. You have been through difficulties before and you've done OK. Maybe even done very well. You're resilient. We're all resilient.
Do you know your own personal situation? If you're in trouble, you're going to figure out a way to deal with it. And if you need help, you'll be able to find it.
I want to remind you that this, too, shall pass.
It always has.
So, love, live, enjoy. Gather around your friends, family and the things that make you stronger.
Because the truth -- regardless of elections or recessions or rising waves of uncertainty -- is this: If you're doing the right thing, the right thing will always happen. I said "the right thing" -- not the expedient thing, or the easy thing, or the most comfortable thing. You always know what the right thing is. Just keep doing it. And you'll find that the right things will happen for you.
Pundits proclaim that this candidate is up, or that one is. Polls are accurate, polls lie. He's five points up, seven points up, thirteen points down; there's a bounce, no-bounce. He should attack, he's too nice; he makes sense, he doesn't make sense. Vote for him, vote for her, vote against him, vote against her.
Aaaargh.
Then there's our financial situation.
One guy says, "Pay only cash!" and another says, "Use your credit or you'll lose it!"
One woman, the one with those oddly transfixing eyes (you know who I mean), says, "Make an extra mortgage payment to lower your principal" and the other female financial advisor says, "Don't make that extra mortgage payment -- put it in savings in case you lose your job."
Honestly, I have advice fatigue.
So, I'm not going to give you advice on the economy or the campaign or building a business or even home decorating.
I'm going to remind you that life is short. You have been through difficulties before and you've done OK. Maybe even done very well. You're resilient. We're all resilient.
Do you know your own personal situation? If you're in trouble, you're going to figure out a way to deal with it. And if you need help, you'll be able to find it.
I want to remind you that this, too, shall pass.
It always has.
So, love, live, enjoy. Gather around your friends, family and the things that make you stronger.
Because the truth -- regardless of elections or recessions or rising waves of uncertainty -- is this: If you're doing the right thing, the right thing will always happen. I said "the right thing" -- not the expedient thing, or the easy thing, or the most comfortable thing. You always know what the right thing is. Just keep doing it. And you'll find that the right things will happen for you.
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