Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter And Save Money

Spend an afternoon with the cable remote in your hand and you could come away with the idea that most people in the world are heavier than is healthy, have messy houses, lackluster love lives, and can't save a nickel.

I invested in some couch time the other day (in my on-going effort to perfect The Art of Being Lazy, of course), and was astounded by the number of TV shows about dealing with either too much (like possessions and food) or too little (love, fashion sense). And the one sad common thread among the folks on these shows was their overwhelming feeling of lack and their resulting self-punishing behaviors.

It comes down to this: when we feel powerless, we look to behaviors which allow us to grab onto a little bit of power. If I feel denied love, I am sure-as-shootin' not going to deny myself the cheesecake.

And after I eat the whole cheesecake in one sitting, I feel horrible about myself, decide I'm never going to have a boyfriend and get out of this hellhole of a life, so I turn to the chocolate ice cream in the freezer.

This cycle repeats, spinning down into a not very nice place to be. It's a place of powerlessness.

But there's good news. Turning powerlessness into power is a simple matter of shifting our thoughts. It's going from feeding yourself in an attempt to fill a gap, to feeding yourself out of self-respect and self-love.

It's "I can choose to eat anything, so I am choosing food which tastes good, is good for me and nurtures me."

Baby, that's power.

Power is also saying "I can have any old partner in a New York minute, but to have a partner who respects me and loves me, I have to love and respect myself first." Many of us get involved with unsuitable people because of the thought "Anybody's better than nobody." Anybody, because we maybe chose him out of panic, may be someone who affirms our inner sense of lack, rather than our inner strength. Where's the power in that?

When you chose a partner out of self-respect, you will have a partner worth having. When you spend your money out of self-respect, you will not overspend. When you live with things that reflect your self-respect, your clutter diminishes. When you feed yourself with an eye to nurturing that which is best in you, you will eat healthily.

You have the power to take care of yourself, and eliminate that which holds you back from your best life. You have the power -- use it.

The Art of Being Lazy

All art requires practice, and patience. Art requires the proper setting, too. And there is no better setting to perfect the art of being lazy than summer.

Being truly lazy seems a lost art in our time of instant messaging, instant gratification -- instant everything. We enjoy so many luxuries, except the luxury of time, which is precisely what the lazy state of being requires.

Summer beckons us away from the hustle and bustle and toward laziness. To laze about on a summer Sunday means to recharge batteries. To reconnect with other lazy souls. To rest. To think. To meander. To lollygag. To accomplish much, while accomplishing nothing of any great purpose.

And that's the point -- to have no apparent point. We spend so much of our working days striving. Summer laziness allows us to deposit that baggage at the door and really relax.

What's funny to me is the number of people who chastise themselves for being "lazy", yet when asked what they've accomplished today, they can tick off ten or twenty things. They don't see lazy as an art, but as a notion anathema to productive living.

But here's the deal: the art of being lazy is just as creative as any other art. While you're being "lazy", you are allowing your fertile mind to grow and bloom. You are creating something new. A new you.

Lazy is taking a walk -- not to get the aerobic workout, but to look at the flowers. Lazy is taking the time to read a book the whole way through -- in one sitting. Lazy is a catnap -- without giving a hoot about the chores waiting. Lazy is a two hour talk with your teenager about nothing at all, and everything in the world.

Lazy is loving yourself enough to let go of the need to impress and achieve long enough to really and truly relax and recharge.

Being lazy is an art and I mean to be an accomplished practitioner this summer. Will you join me?

The Best Job Interview Question Ever

So, you've made it through the first round of interviews for that new position. Now it's the second -- or third -- round. "Tell me a little about yourself" has been asked. Maybe you've even been asked, "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" You know, all the important stuff.

Remember that job interviews are not only your opportunity to "sell" yourself, but are your chance to evaluate whether the job is actually something you'll like and be good at. To figure that out, you have to do more than give the right answer to questions -- you also have to ask the right questions.

To that end, I've come up with The Best Job Interview Question Ever. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with trees.

Ready? Here it is:

"What's the first task you'd like me to accomplish in this job?"

Whether you're interviewing for a CEO position or a job on the loading dock, the beauty of this question is multi-fold.

If everyone you interview with responds with "We need you to streamline our HR processes and make sure we're in compliance with OSHA guidelines", you can be certain that the organization is clear on what the job is about.

But, if the guy in accounting says, "You need to clear up the spreadsheets", and the woman in marketing says, "You have to make new collateral materials", and the CEO says, "We're looking for someone to clean house", and the gal in sales says, "I have no idea what you're here for," you've got a problem. The organization may be disorganized, lack leadership or not function well as a team. Here's what you do in this situation: exit, quickly, stage left.

When you ask The Best Question, you might find that the expectations expressed are completely unrealistic. "I want you to drive up share prices by 50%, reduce the workforce by 30%, acquire companies more profitable than we are, and find the Holy Grail." Again, this is your tip-off that the job may not be right for you. Or for anyone.

Having a clear sense of organizational priorities allows you to snag what writer Michael Watkins calls an "early win." His book The First 90 Days has great advice on making the most of a new job -- in short, when you meet or exceed expectations early, you are guaranteed success.

The interview process is fraught with anxiety and stress -- but discovering how your colleagues and bosses will judge you as a winner before you take the job is a surefire way to insure you have less stress and more success.

Mistakes Were Made

Can you imagine a world without Post-It Notes? Well, you almost didn't have them... the adhesive used to make sticky notes sticky was a total mistake. In 1968, inventor Spence Silver was tinkering with adhesives and developed something quite unusual. According to the 3M website, Dr. Silver tried to get 3M brass to champion the new glue for five years. But it took Art Fry, a visionary at the company, to see the practical use -- he made a bookmark for his choir hymnal, and the purpose of the adhesive became clear. Post-It Notes were rolled out in 1980 and have become a great American product.

If our scientist-hero had been a perfectionist, he might have thrown out that batch of adhesive because he'd made a "mistake". Fortunately, Dr. Silver took the time to learn from his mistake -- and to see if he could do something with it.

Learning from mistakes. Something we've been taught all our lives, huh? But how many of us really do it? Seems like what we actually do is orient our lives so we don't make mistakes. We so control and prepare and plan that we allow no room for mistakes. No room for the creativity mistakes inspire. No room, then, for serendipity.

I love serendipity. Serendipity can only happen when you allow yourself room for it -- by first saying, "oops". Think of the guy who first thought: "What if I put peaches in...salsa?" Or the guy who missed his flight and met his future spouse? Or the woman who took a wrong turn... and avoided an accident. Or the scientist who screwed up a batch of glue, and became a millionaire?

Tightly controlling all aspects of our lives may help us feel safe, and unchallenged... but at what cost? We set up an impossible standard to live by -- perfection -- and then deal with the stress of not being able to meet "perfect" very often.

I'm face-to-face with my shortcomings everytime I'm on a golf course. Did you know that less that one half of one percent of all amateur golfers actually make par on every hole in a single round of golf? Yet, every golf course in the world is set up for the perfect player. The vast majority of golfers are far from perfect, and they keep on playing. How do they do it? Many golf instructors suggest golfers establish their own par for a hole: "I usually score six here, so if I do better than that, great!"

If you struggle with being perfect, think about setting your own "par". How do you usually do this task? What's good enough for you? Don't worry about the guy in the next cubicle, or the gal next to you in line, or those insistent voice of your mother in your head... what's your "par"? Shoot for your own par, make mistakes and leave room for serendipity. What will you create?

Independence Day

This is the week that we in America celebrate our independence. It was in 1776 that a courageous group of men listed the colonies' grievances against the King of Britain, carefully building a case for all this paragraph holds:

"We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. - And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."

The 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence risked treason -- the penalty for which was hanging. Benjamin Franklin adroitly punned that punishment when he remarked to some anxious signers, "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

These men were willing to risk their lives for freedom. And on this Independence Day, let's remember their courage and commitment, and be grateful for it.

A few years ago, I visited the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. On just one day -- December 7, 1941 -- 1,177 crew members lost their lives when the ship went down in a direct act of war. Today, if you visit the memorial, you can still see oil bubbling up from below -- and you can still feel the spirit of those who gave their all that day.

In all of World War II, some 407,000 Americans were killed in combat. In Korea, 36,940 were lost. In Vietnam, 58,486 gave their lives. In Desert Storm, 255 died. And, to date, in Afghanistan and Iraq, 3,965 Americans have fallen.

And, over 88,000 Americans are still listed as Missing In Action from these wars. Eighty-eight thousand husbands, wives, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers. Loved ones, all.

This Independence Day, let's take a moment to thank all who have served, all who have died -- those who are still missing, and the families and communities who have loved, supported, and, too often, buried, our soldiers.

Today, America still produces men and women -- much in the spirit of the Founders -- who are willing to risk their lives for freedom. And on this Independence Day, let's remember their courage and commitment, and be grateful for it.