Learner's Permit

Remember when all you could think about was getting your driver's license? Putting your hands on that steering wheel and going for a drive? Looking so cool, even if you were driving your mom's 1971 Grand Safari station wagon with a sucky AM radio. Man, wheels meant freedom. Driving meant adulthood. Nothing could stop you -- you could drive.

I have a learning driver in my household these days and the nutty thing is that I'm learning a great deal about driving just from teaching him the basics.

Of course, teaching means I have to revisit the basics myself, after having driven a car for -- oh, long enough to have driven a car known to explode in rear collisions... a Ford Pinto.

Yep, teaching my son to drive has put me smack dab in what our Buddhist friends call "Beginner's Mind." Beginners know nothing because they've never had the experience before; therefore, they have no expectations and can see so many more possibilities -- possibilities that may elude people who let their experience guide them. Beginners have wonderfully open minds.

So, where are you coasting on your experience in your life, far away from Beginner's Mind? Are you seeing all the possibilities available, or are you so limited by familiar experience that the chance of something new, something exciting, something joyful seems impossible?

We often call this "being in a rut". Sometimes we call it "burn out". Often, we call it "Monday morning".

To hop on out of that rut, get yourself back to Beginner's Mind. How to do it?

Read the instructions. Especially if you are putting together your umpteenth business plan, or resume, or tuna noodle casserole. You know, those things you do on auto-pilot. You may discover that you have omitted an important part of your plan, or that you're neglecting to emphasize something important in your resume. Or that tuna noodle casserole has gone the way of the 1971 Grand Safari wagon.

Pretend you're teaching someone. How would you teach this task to someone else? Lay out the steps. Think it through. Ask yourself, "Is there another way?" or "What would someone need to know here?" When you open your mind this way, you may see something new (and exciting) in the same old, same old.

Brainstorm possibilities with someone 20 years younger than you. When we have expertise in an area, we often adopt the pose of "wise elder" and merely impart our wisdom to younger people, godlike, from our cubicle-sized Mt. Olympus. When true Beginner's mind requires that we seek wisdom from those we might otherwise teach. So ask that junior person what they think -- or how they'd solve the problem. You might just find a big, old, honking Aha! moment, and a really fun new way to do something routine.

Because at its core Beginner's Mind is really fun. I love seeing the world (and the road) through my son's eyes. As he assesses what the dotted and solid lines on the pavement mean, I reassess what they mean, too. As he discusses merging, I am focusing on merging. Perhaps white-knuckled and over-focused on merging as he's ohsoclosetothatcarontheright.

But it's OK. Because I see the possibilities. And that brings me incredible joy.

Finding A Job 2.0

You need a job. $4 Gas has come and gone in the rearview mirror. And milk is more expensive than gas! You really need a job. Like yesterday.

Helpful people are telling you that no one's hiring, times are tough, you might as well give up, yadda yadda yadda.

Depressing. Especially if you want a job in, oh, energy, banking, the car industry...

But let me fill you in on a little secret: jobs are open in other sectors and people are getting hired.

So, how do you find those open positions and get yourself in the interview pool? Use the tools I call "Finding A Job 2.0". Ready?

Think big. Big picture, that is. Take a really big picture look at your skills -- it doesn't matter what the industry is, if you know how to manage people, you know how to manage people. Ditto for handling budgets, problem solving, strategic planning, program management and tons of other areas. Focus on your most transferable skills, and make these the backbone of your search.

Know what you want to do. I know, you need a job. Any job. But when you succinctly define what it is you can do, it makes it so much easier for other people to understand and help you. Develop your own "elevator speech" -- two to three sentences that capture the essence of what you want. For instance, "I'm looking for an executive director or VP position at a non-profit working on green issues. I've worked in this field for fifteen years and really know the issues, and like managing people." I understand that completely, and can refer you to two or three people who can help you.

Network with people you know. Over 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral. That means your Christmas card list, cell phone directory, email contacts, alumni directory and community phone book are your most important tools. Go through these personal lists and identify people who are already in the field where you want to work. Contact them, give them your elevator speech and ask if they know of any openings. Even if they don't have an immediate lightbulb moment, you've planted a seed in their minds -- they'll remember you the next time they hear about something that would be perfect for you.

Network with people you don't know. If a friend says, "You should really meet my friend Tom", then go see Tom. Worst case scenario? You'll meet a new friend. Best case? Tom will know of a job for you. You can also use LinkedIn, Facebook, alumni discussion boards. Consider these opportunities to expand the reach of your resume and bio. Word to the wise? You can spend more time "updating" your social marketing pages than you do working on your job search. Use your time wisely.

Morph your resume. Gone are the days when you had one resume that a printer typeset for you on ivory laid paper. Many resumes are scanned into a humungous database, so make certain the words you use are keywords recruiters will use to fill a position like the one you seek. If you're responding to a particular job opening, tailor your resume to that job. Use the same keywords they use in the job posting. Stress that you have the skills they seek. And feel free to alter your resume for the next opening you pursue.

Write thank you notes. Sure, it's a holdover tactic from Finding A Job 1.0, but, hey, don't fix what ain't broke! The number of people who write thank you notes by hand is dwindling, so you will stand out when you're one of the few who use this tactic. Plus, gratitude is a happy place to be. Expressing your gratitude will increase your overall happiness and keep you positive for your next job interview.

Searching for a job in uncertain economic times is... uncertain. But by employing 2.0 tactics, you can make your job search efficient, effective and maybe, just maybe, quick.

The Sociopath Next Door

For those who wonder how I spend my free time, let me tell you: I've been re-reading The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, PhD.

Sociopaths are the stock players of popular fiction. They're the monsters that heroines played by women like Jodie Foster or Ashley Judd have to face down with steely determination, grit and an extremely large weapon. And nice shoes.

In real life, the deal with sociopaths is this: they have no sense of obligation to anyone, and act without the restraints of conscience. They are solo operators at heart -- lone wolves -- and only use connection with others as a tool to get what they want. And what they want is the thrill of power, manipulation and domination.

Often charming and glib, sociopaths know how to play whatever role they need to play to get what they want. Many can cry crocodile tears on cue, but it's all superficial, an act. There's just no there there. No depth of character. Everything they do is calculated to deliver the goods, and just like our pal Niccolo Machiavelli -- the ends utterly justify the means. If someone gets hurt in the process, too bad. The sociopath has no conscience, so carries no guilt or remorse for his actions.

The DSM-IV, the diagnostic manual for mental health professionals, terms sociopathy "Anti-Social Personality Disorder" and says it's present when a person has at least three of seven characteristics: 1) failure to conform to social norms; 2) deceitfulness, manipulativeness; 3) impulsivity, failure to plan ahead; 4) irritability, aggressiveness; 5) reckless disregard for the safety of self or others; 6) consistent irresponsibility; and, 7) lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen something from another person.

We picture oversized characters like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer or Hannibal Lecter when we think about sociopaths, but some sociopaths are actually quite passive. For instance, a man with Anti-Social Personality Disorder might feel he has no obligation to work, so he finds a parade of willing, susceptible people who support him. These sociopaths never do anything, never pay their bills, and never feel guilt for having sponged off someone who loved them.

The key indicator of sociopathy, according to Dr. Stout, is the pity play. This is where the sociopath gets us to feel sorry for him -- it's the guy who beats his wife, then tearfully holds his head in his hands while the bleeding wife comforts him. As Dr. Stout says, "...when these sentiments are wrested out of us by the undeserving, by people whose behavior is consistently antisocial, this is a sure sign that something is wrong."

The sociopath can be the bully at work. Or the guy who sponges off his wife. Or the neighborhood Mrs. Kravitz, who stirs up trouble. The common element? They have no real remorse over their hurtful actions. None. Zippo.

Dr. Stout spends much of her last chapter talking about the nexus between spirituality, community and conscience. Cultures whose spiritual traditions stress the interrelatedness between people and animals and the environment -- the connection between all things -- have less incidence of sociopathy. Cultures which stress individualism and foster isolation tend to have more sociopaths.

Dr. Stout and other researchers estimate that 4% of our population are sociopaths. Friends, that's more than have anorexia or colon cancer. So, it's likely that the most vexing people in your life, as in mine, might just lack a conscience.

If you are facing a situation with another person that where you feel manipulated, controlled, used -- in your marriage, your divorce, your neighborhood, your work, your larger family -- you may want to consider whether the person in question is really among the 96% of people with conscience... or one of the 4% without. And if he's a sociopath, my friend, let distance grow in that relationship. Quickly.

The Simplest Solution

Ever heard of Occam's Razor? William of Ockham was a 14th century monk who labored in Latin on matters of logic. His key observation, translated and traveled through the centuries, is called "Occam's Razor" (obviously spelling mutated over time):

"All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best."

What's this mean for your life?

When you have a problem with someone else: what's the simplest solution? Would it be... telling Karen, who talks to Alex, who mentions something to Tom, who plays golf with the husband of the person you have a problem with? Will that approach solve your problem, or potentially make it worse? Using Occam's Razor to cut away the extraneous steps, we find the simplest solution -- talking with the person directly to handle the problem.

How do you know when you're not using the simplest solution? When you find yourself saying, "I can't", as in "I can't find a new job at my age because I'd have to go back to school, and pass that exam, get certified, and probably move to some new city, which would be really hard on John and the kids." Rather complicated scenario, huh? It's a solution which -- surprise, surprise -- successfully keeps you from doing anything at all. Can we discover the simplest solution? Could it be to find a great job that provides training right in your own home town?

Sometimes it seems we love having the problem so very much that we envision only completely unworkable, complicated solutions -- just so we can hang on to the problem we say we hate (but actually love). It's like: "I need a job but don't want a job but want to revel in what a screw-up I am 'cuz I'm not getting a job." How can we love and hate a problem at the same time? It's called story fondling, and it reinforces negative stuff and keeps us totally and completely stuck in the past.

Identifying the simplest solution is a way to cut through all the debris in your life and find a really good, clean place to be. The simplest solution is always authentic. The simplest solution is easy. The simplest solution is the way to go.

So, when you find yourself tied up in knots trying to find a complicated solution to whatever you face, think of good old William of Ockham and ask yourself: "All other things being equal, what's the simplest solution?"