To Know, Know, Know You

Want to get to know me?

I'm an ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator -- my preference is to be an Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judger (that last one means I like to decide, and decide now, thank you very much).

On the Kolbe Conative Strengths Index, I am a natural Fact Finder, followed closely by Quick Start. That means I will do the research but then want to get going (see "Judging" above).

The Clifton Strengths Finder indicates that my top strengths are: Strategic, Ideation, Activator, Communication, Input.

"Bunch of assessments, bunch of results. So what?" Hear this a lot from people. "Yeah, yeah. But just tell me what it is I'm supposed to do with my life."

Look, these assessments do serve to tell me more about you -- but, really... they're designed to tell you more about you.

Because one thing I know for sure: the more you know about yourself and your innate preferences, the more clear you are. When you are clear, you make better decisions. When you make better decisions, you're happier and more successful.

And who doesn't want that?

Some people resist assessments because they don't like being "put in a box" or "labelled". These people probably have very high preference toward Perceiving and I love them for sticking to their type. (That's a Myers-Briggs reference -- Perceivers just want to keep all of their options open. In the trade we call this their P-ness, which is a little Myers-Briggs joke. OK, a stupid Myers-Briggs joke, but there you have it.)

But when I see the lightbulb go off over someone's head when they realize they aren't wrong and they don't need to be fixed -- that, instead, they need to play to their innate preferences and solid strengths -- it's a highlight of my work.

I'm talking about the woman who berated herself for years for having to talk to think, until she realized that's the way she's wired. Or the man who shifted his continual "loser" self-talk as he realized that he just liked to be flexible and keep his options open (got in touch with his P-ness, yuk, yuk). Or the woman who, for the first time, figured out why she was so frustrated working for other people -- she has all the attributes of a CEO and needs to move toward that kind of role.

Accepting your preferences, strengths and talents, and then aligning your actions with what it is you do best, naturally, is the easiest and most efficient way toward success.

And when it comes down to it, knowing yourself -- inside and out -- and living authentically, P-ness and all (I couldn't help myself), will make you not only successful, but happy. And you'll do it the easy way -- by just being yourself.

Doing Enough?

Raise your hand if you feel like you're not doing enough.

Accomplishments? Nothing major. Rewards? Few. Performance? Not as good as it could be. What still needs to be done? Everything.

If this sounds familiar, then you probably were on the phone with me this week, or buttonholed me at that party Friday night.

It seems so many people look at themselves with utter disappointment. What they do doesn't matter, and if it does matter then talking about it is bragging so... let's not talk about it. No time to rest. No time to reflect. More stuff to do. Got to keep moving.

The problem with this mindset is pretty clear. Thinking this way ratchets your stress level up to 11 on a 10 point scale, and never allows you the satisfaction of a job well done. When there's no satisfaction in what you're doing, there's no way to like what you're doing.

A man has a performance review at work. His supervisor and peers consistently rate his work at 4s and 5s, on a 5 point scale. He, however, rates himself at a 1 or a 2 on all categories. He's mystified at how his co-workers can rate him so high -- he doesn't believe them. Don't they know he's a failure? He could be doing so much more.

A woman feels she's disappointing her husband because she's not a gourmet cook, and her housekeeping skills are not so hot, especially with the baby in the picture and given her full-time job. She spends a lot of time apologizing. He says there's nothing to apologize about -- he loves the food she cooks and thinks she's a wonderful mother. She doesn't believe him. Doesn't he know she's a failure? She could be doing so much more.

Her husband feels he's disappointing her because he's not making as much money as her brother, and he's not as good with a power tool as most men. She tells him she's proud of his work and that power tools aren't that important, that she loves him and he's a good father. He doesn't believe her. Doesn't she know he's a failure? He could be doing so much more.

So whaddya gonna do? Well, let me suggest two things.

First, ask yourself: What will success look like? Put yourself in the successful mindset. What's your life like then? Make a list of all the elements that compose your successful life.

Now, look at your list. How realistic is it? How much is under your direct control? If success looks like taking time to write -- you can do that. If success looks like everyone obeying your commands with no argument -- you can't do that, sadly, even if you became a dictator. Dictators often die horribly messy deaths in their attempts to squash the thoughts and behaviors of others -- and who wants that?

Understand where your unrealistic definitions of success come from ("I want people to obey me because I hate arguments") and, instead of banging your head against the wall, learn some techniques to disagree effectively. You can start with the book Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny et al.

Second, take a few minutes to look at what you've really accomplished. At this time of year, I always sit down and write out 20 Things I Have Accomplished This Year. They can be ordinary things like: got the trash to the curb every week. Think that doesn't matter? Hey, what's the alternative? A huge pile of smelly trash spilling out all over your yard? Believe me, getting the trash to the curb matters! As does paying your bills on time, or getting a physical, or a colonoscopy, or training a new employee at the office. Getting through the budget process, or caring for an elderly parent, or making your kid's school lunches -- they all matter. And you've accomplished all of them.

But you haven't cured cancer. Or won the Nobel Peace Prize (unless you're Al Gore). OK. But your best friends and closest family would likely give you a prize for all you do for them. Am I right?

My guess is that you are probably doing enough. More than enough. Acknowledging that and giving yourself credit for it can help reduce your stress level. And, looking a hard look at your expectations of success laid next to your actual accomplishments can provide a roadmap for your future success. Your roadmap may show that you need to reallocate your time and attention -- and spend more time creating meaningful success and less time wallowing in your perceived failure.

The Best Job Interview Question Ever

So, you've made it through the first round of interviews for that new position. Now it's the second -- or third -- round. "Tell me a little about yourself" has been asked. Maybe you've even been asked, "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" You know, all the important stuff.

Remember that job interviews are not only your opportunity to "sell" yourself, but are your chance to evaluate whether the job is actually something you'll like and be good at. To figure that out, you have to do more than give the right answer to questions -- you also have to ask the right questions.

To that end, I've come up with The Best Job Interview Question Ever. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with trees.

Ready? Here it is:

"What's the first task you'd like me to accomplish in this job?"

Whether you're interviewing for a CEO position or a job on the loading dock, the beauty of this question is multi-fold.

If everyone you interview with responds with "We need you to streamline our HR processes and make sure we're in compliance with OSHA guidelines", you can be certain that the organization is clear on what the job is about.

But, if the guy in accounting says, "You need to clear up the spreadsheets", and the woman in marketing says, "You have to make new collateral materials", and the CEO says, "We're looking for someone to clean house", and the gal in sales says, "I have no idea what you're here for," you've got a problem. The organization may be disorganized, lack leadership or not function well as a team. Here's what you do in this situation: exit, quickly, stage left.

When you ask The Best Question, you might find that the expectations expressed are completely unrealistic. "I want you to drive up share prices by 50%, reduce the workforce by 30%, acquire companies more profitable than we are, and find the Holy Grail." Again, this is your tip-off that the job may not be right for you. Or for anyone.

Having a clear sense of organizational priorities allows you to snag what writer Michael Watkins calls an "early win." His book The First 90 Days has great advice on making the most of a new job -- in short, when you meet or exceed expectations early, you are guaranteed success.

The interview process is fraught with anxiety and stress -- but discovering how your colleagues and bosses will judge you as a winner before you take the job is a surefire way to insure you have less stress and more success.