Imagine you're a business owner. Say you have a restaurant and you do a fair business, but you could always use more customers and revenue. One day a guy walks in and asks if you cater. You think a moment and say to yourself, "Well, food's food. I guess I can cater" and, voila! You've got a new line of business -- you're a caterer.
Imagine another person comes in to the restaurant and says, "Charlie, you're a capable person and I like you a lot. Can I pay you to wallpaper my bathroom?"
Now, wait a second. Catering is to restaurant, as wallpapering is to...what?
This is exactly the moment many small business owners get off track. Especially when money's short. A client requests something that's not particularly in your sweet spot, but you do it, thinking, "Gotta get me some money." The end result: you spend less time on your business, it suffers and, voila! You have less money.
Saying no is hard. It's particularly hard to say no to earning money when you really need the cash. But think about it this way: saying no frees up your time to earn money building your business and doing more of what you like.
How do you know if what you're being offered is a new, lucrative business opportunity or just a waste of time? Glad you asked. Here are my Three Handy Things To Ask Yourself When Offered a Business Opportunity (catchy title, huh?):
What Do I Want For My Business? As a restaurateur, I want to offer good, well-prepared meals to people at fair prices. [Just as an aside, this is the quick and easy question anyone can ask themselves to come up with a mission statement -- you just saved yourself thousands in consulting fees.]
Will This Opportunity Help Build My Business or Not? Catering allows the restaurateur to continue to offer good, well-prepared meals to people at fair prices. It's only the delivery system that changes. However, wallpapering doesn't allow the fulfillment of his mission statement in any way, shape or form.
How Do I Feel About This Opportunity? If you feel conflicted or uneasy or downright icky about it, use the Force, Luke, and listen to your feelings. If you feel uneasy before it even starts, imagine how you'll feel when six months go by and you're not cooking any meals -- just endlessly wallpapering bathrooms.
And, you're saying to me, I don't own my own business. This is not relevant to me. Oh, really?
Most of us face moments when we are offered something that we could do, but aren't sure if we should do. I'm suggesting that my Three Handy Things To Ask Yourself can be used whenever you need to evaluate doing something new.
What do I want for my life? Will this help me grow, or not? How do I feel about this?
Whenever you need to sort out options, and feel... oh, overwhelmed or uncertain or just plain icky, take the time to remember what it is you set out to do -- then, feel free to say yes or no.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Standard Operating Procedure
The military invented the idea of Standard Operating Procedure. When in doubt, default to the SOP and, by taking the specified steps, your outcome will be exactly as the SOP predicts.
In my time in government, I came to think "SOP" really stood for "Same Old Plan". The Same Old Plan keeps things safe and comfortable -- and the outcome predictable.
Which is OK.
But not exactly creative. Or ground-breaking. Or exciting. Or quick. Or always right. In truth, the SOP doesn't have to solve the problem -- it just has to be followed.
I discovered that sometimes, in order to really solve the problem, you have to throw out the SOP in favor of a NIP. A New Innovative Plan.
To build a NIP, all you have to do is exactly the opposite of what the SOP requires. There's an old joke that goes something like this: "Man: 'Doctor, it hurts when I go like this' (banging his head against the table) Doctor: 'The cure is simple. Stop banging your head against the table.'"
Plain and simple -- a NIP keeps you from banging your head against the table. Here's a helpful way to decide if you need a NIP or an SOP -- if a SOP works, keep doing it. But if it's not working, NIP it in the bud. [I crack myself up.]
If your weight loss plan isn't working, take a look at your SOP. Not the SOP you tell everyone, but the SOP you actually follow, which is something like: "I'll get started on my diet tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to have this half gallon of ice cream." Remember, your NIP is the exact opposite of what you usually do, so your NIP is, "I'm starting right now and not eating the ice cream."
Want better communication with your teenager? Look at how you're communicating now. If your SOP is lectures, edicts and nagging, do you really wonder why she won't talk with you? Try the opposite -- listening, asking questions and showing respect for her opinions. You may not see a cleaner room, but you'll definitely have a better relationship.
"I keep meeting the same kind of guys," says a single woman. "They're irresponsible and all they want is a good time." OK. "Where are you looking?" she's asked. "Oh, in strip clubs, off-track betting shops and at dog fights. I guess there just aren't any respectable men left." Oh, there are plenty of them -- in places opposite to where you're looking. Try libraries, offices, dog parks, animal shelters, shopping malls, churches, synagogues, mosques and Buddhist meditation centers. For a start.
In the places in your life where you're stuck, take a look at your SOP. If it's not working for you, if you're not making the change you really, really want, then give a NIP a try. Do the exact opposite of what you've been doing, and watch your progress.
There's a disputed quote, attributed to both Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein, defining insanity as "doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome." In that light, following a SOP is often an insane course. The NIP, however, is a pretty sane approach, don't you think?
You can attribute that one to me.
In my time in government, I came to think "SOP" really stood for "Same Old Plan". The Same Old Plan keeps things safe and comfortable -- and the outcome predictable.
Which is OK.
But not exactly creative. Or ground-breaking. Or exciting. Or quick. Or always right. In truth, the SOP doesn't have to solve the problem -- it just has to be followed.
I discovered that sometimes, in order to really solve the problem, you have to throw out the SOP in favor of a NIP. A New Innovative Plan.
To build a NIP, all you have to do is exactly the opposite of what the SOP requires. There's an old joke that goes something like this: "Man: 'Doctor, it hurts when I go like this' (banging his head against the table) Doctor: 'The cure is simple. Stop banging your head against the table.'"
Plain and simple -- a NIP keeps you from banging your head against the table. Here's a helpful way to decide if you need a NIP or an SOP -- if a SOP works, keep doing it. But if it's not working, NIP it in the bud. [I crack myself up.]
If your weight loss plan isn't working, take a look at your SOP. Not the SOP you tell everyone, but the SOP you actually follow, which is something like: "I'll get started on my diet tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to have this half gallon of ice cream." Remember, your NIP is the exact opposite of what you usually do, so your NIP is, "I'm starting right now and not eating the ice cream."
Want better communication with your teenager? Look at how you're communicating now. If your SOP is lectures, edicts and nagging, do you really wonder why she won't talk with you? Try the opposite -- listening, asking questions and showing respect for her opinions. You may not see a cleaner room, but you'll definitely have a better relationship.
"I keep meeting the same kind of guys," says a single woman. "They're irresponsible and all they want is a good time." OK. "Where are you looking?" she's asked. "Oh, in strip clubs, off-track betting shops and at dog fights. I guess there just aren't any respectable men left." Oh, there are plenty of them -- in places opposite to where you're looking. Try libraries, offices, dog parks, animal shelters, shopping malls, churches, synagogues, mosques and Buddhist meditation centers. For a start.
In the places in your life where you're stuck, take a look at your SOP. If it's not working for you, if you're not making the change you really, really want, then give a NIP a try. Do the exact opposite of what you've been doing, and watch your progress.
There's a disputed quote, attributed to both Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein, defining insanity as "doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome." In that light, following a SOP is often an insane course. The NIP, however, is a pretty sane approach, don't you think?
You can attribute that one to me.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Life's Little Aggravations
A lovely man of my acquaintance rang me up this week and told me he enjoys what I write. I demurely blushed. Then, being the genial problem-solver extraordinaire that he is, he added: "Could you write something about living with day-to-day problems? Not everyone, you know, has problems in the workplace."
No, it's true that not everyone has problems in the workplace. Plenty of my gazillion-and-twelve readers don't even have a workplace! But nearly everyone is vexed by daily frustrations that add up to make them feel stressed and overwhelmed.
You know what I mean: The fellow at the baseball game who's drunk, spills everything and screams obscenities in front of your kindergartner. Your upstairs neighbor who seems to walk the floor in golf spikes every morning at 2am. The gal yakking on her cell phone while the traffic behind her piles up because she's not taking the right turn on red. The woman in the express checkout with a full basket, who, at the last minute, can't locate her checkbook or pen.
How, indeed, can one deal with those issues in a positive and purposeful way?
Ah, now we're getting to Michele's Big Vision Of Life. Prepare yourself -- there are several tenets we'll have to cover.
First, you can never know what's going on in another person's head unless they tell you. The woman in front of you in the checkout line may live alone with 56 cats, and that trip to the store may be her only interaction with another human being in the whole week. Her momentary connection with the clerk, and you, may mean more to her than you can ever know. The gal on the cell phone? She might be a doctor racing to the hospital, making sure the emergency orders she's issuing are absolutely understood by the oncology nurse on the other end of the line.
Since you can't know what's in another person's mind, you have two choices: decide they're purposefully making your life difficult, or, they're doing the best they can.
Guess which choice helps you feel more peaceful.
Second, people don't have to be exactly like you to be right. You may go to the store to get milk and eggs, but other people go there to get connection and affirmation. A little tolerance and acceptance of different motivations and expectations can go a long way toward reducing your frustration.
Folks are frustrated that other people aren't exactly like themselves in plenty of situations. I know churches where people are frustrated because not everyone in the congregation approaches worship the same way. I know offices where people are angry because not everyone is a driven Type-A who's wedded to his job. I know marriages in which both partners futilely endeavor to mold each other into their own shape. Each of these situations overlooks the big point -- we're all different, and vive la difference! Different outlooks, experiences and expectations bring richness and fullness to life. It certainly feels like I'm powerful and in control when I think "it would be better if everyone were just like me!", but what that really is... is fear. It's the fear of that which challenges my comfort zone.
Third, you can operate out of fear or you can operate out of love. When you operate out of fear, you limit your world view to that which cannot hurt you. Fear doesn't allow you to question your own beliefs, or analyze your own mistakes, or even consider that someone else might have a valid point. Fear is a closed, keep-myself-safe approach. Fear is "if he really knew what I was like inside, he'd leave me, so I'm going to keep my true Self hidden and hope for the best." That particular fear leads to a horrible death -- the death of the sense of who you really are and of what's important to you. It's the death of true authenticity.
Love, on the other hand, is transparent, authentic and open. Love is all those things we've read -- patient and kind, understanding and tolerant, hopes all things and endures all things. Love truly covers all transgressions. Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite writers, said that love exists when I create a safe place for another person to be fully himself. Even if when they're being fully themselves they tick me off. Between you and me, that's when I lovingly give them a whole lotta space to be fully themselves.
Because coming from love does not mean you abandon your boundaries or forget your limits. No, keeping those intact help keep you intact. Coming from love doesn't mean you're a doormat, either. Coming from love simply means living life with freedom from fear.
When daily life vexes you, you have a choice. You can come from a place of fear, with the expectation that you're going to be hurt, or you can come from a place of love, and the expectation that, although you can't know what motivates another person, you can be charitable, kind and open to learning something new from them. And about yourself.
If we could all shift away from fear and toward love, our collective vexation would diminish. Wouldn't that be something? It would be as if the entire world stepped back, took a giant exhale and relaxed.
And that would be Michele's Big Vision Of Life.
(How's that, Jack?)
No, it's true that not everyone has problems in the workplace. Plenty of my gazillion-and-twelve readers don't even have a workplace! But nearly everyone is vexed by daily frustrations that add up to make them feel stressed and overwhelmed.
You know what I mean: The fellow at the baseball game who's drunk, spills everything and screams obscenities in front of your kindergartner. Your upstairs neighbor who seems to walk the floor in golf spikes every morning at 2am. The gal yakking on her cell phone while the traffic behind her piles up because she's not taking the right turn on red. The woman in the express checkout with a full basket, who, at the last minute, can't locate her checkbook or pen.
How, indeed, can one deal with those issues in a positive and purposeful way?
Ah, now we're getting to Michele's Big Vision Of Life. Prepare yourself -- there are several tenets we'll have to cover.
First, you can never know what's going on in another person's head unless they tell you. The woman in front of you in the checkout line may live alone with 56 cats, and that trip to the store may be her only interaction with another human being in the whole week. Her momentary connection with the clerk, and you, may mean more to her than you can ever know. The gal on the cell phone? She might be a doctor racing to the hospital, making sure the emergency orders she's issuing are absolutely understood by the oncology nurse on the other end of the line.
Since you can't know what's in another person's mind, you have two choices: decide they're purposefully making your life difficult, or, they're doing the best they can.
Guess which choice helps you feel more peaceful.
Second, people don't have to be exactly like you to be right. You may go to the store to get milk and eggs, but other people go there to get connection and affirmation. A little tolerance and acceptance of different motivations and expectations can go a long way toward reducing your frustration.
Folks are frustrated that other people aren't exactly like themselves in plenty of situations. I know churches where people are frustrated because not everyone in the congregation approaches worship the same way. I know offices where people are angry because not everyone is a driven Type-A who's wedded to his job. I know marriages in which both partners futilely endeavor to mold each other into their own shape. Each of these situations overlooks the big point -- we're all different, and vive la difference! Different outlooks, experiences and expectations bring richness and fullness to life. It certainly feels like I'm powerful and in control when I think "it would be better if everyone were just like me!", but what that really is... is fear. It's the fear of that which challenges my comfort zone.
Third, you can operate out of fear or you can operate out of love. When you operate out of fear, you limit your world view to that which cannot hurt you. Fear doesn't allow you to question your own beliefs, or analyze your own mistakes, or even consider that someone else might have a valid point. Fear is a closed, keep-myself-safe approach. Fear is "if he really knew what I was like inside, he'd leave me, so I'm going to keep my true Self hidden and hope for the best." That particular fear leads to a horrible death -- the death of the sense of who you really are and of what's important to you. It's the death of true authenticity.
Love, on the other hand, is transparent, authentic and open. Love is all those things we've read -- patient and kind, understanding and tolerant, hopes all things and endures all things. Love truly covers all transgressions. Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite writers, said that love exists when I create a safe place for another person to be fully himself. Even if when they're being fully themselves they tick me off. Between you and me, that's when I lovingly give them a whole lotta space to be fully themselves.
Because coming from love does not mean you abandon your boundaries or forget your limits. No, keeping those intact help keep you intact. Coming from love doesn't mean you're a doormat, either. Coming from love simply means living life with freedom from fear.
When daily life vexes you, you have a choice. You can come from a place of fear, with the expectation that you're going to be hurt, or you can come from a place of love, and the expectation that, although you can't know what motivates another person, you can be charitable, kind and open to learning something new from them. And about yourself.
If we could all shift away from fear and toward love, our collective vexation would diminish. Wouldn't that be something? It would be as if the entire world stepped back, took a giant exhale and relaxed.
And that would be Michele's Big Vision Of Life.
(How's that, Jack?)
Friday, September 07, 2007
Funk Sway
The ancient Chinese art of feng shui seeks to correct or balance the energy in a place so that maximum happiness, prosperity and good fortune can occur. Feng shui is helpful in decluttering, redecorating and renovation. Practitioners train for years to understand the complex rules surrounding the harnessing of "chi" -- the energy that surrounds us.
I have my own method of decluttering, redecorating and harnessing chi. It's simple, with just a few rules. All you need is a CD player and the right music and you can change your life and your chi.
I call it "Funk Sway", and it's based on one universal premise: there is no way to be unhappy when you are dancing to classic funk music.
I am a certified Funk Sway master, and by reading this you will achieve your mastery, too.
Here's what you do: go to the room you want to re-energize. This next step is a very important element to set the tone for the entire Funk Sway process: you must play the funk classic "Play That Funky Music (White Boy)" by Wild Cherry. Begin to sway...perchance to dance. When the song has concluded, choose your next song depending on what you'd like to achieve in your life.
To declutter, you must play "Pick Up The Pieces" by the Average White Band. Play it loud. Swaying will happen, trust me. Amid the swaying, and dancing, begin to literally pick up the pieces. In a few short minutes, you will be funk swaying your way into a tidier room!
To affirm your sense of gratitude, you need "Thank You (Falettime Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly and the Family Stone. Require some affirmation? It's "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus (and Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan). Want to develop a career in the movies? "Hollywood Swinging" by Kool and the Gang sets the proper tone. Lost something? Why, you need Parliament's "Flashlight" (or maybe a... neon light).
Grateful for your health and body? "Brick House" by the Commodores. Need to focus on being a more empathetic individual? "I Feel For You (I Think I Love You)" by Chaka Khan (Chaka Khan -- you know you always say it twice).
When you have met your objective for your Funk Sway session, the concluding song must be "Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)".
Your environment is now funkified. Your burdens have been laid down, and joy pervades.
It's time to free your inner funkster. Open yourself to the messages of the universe, contained in a brutal back beat and righteous horn section. Sway to the funk. Be one with the funk.
It's time to Funk Sway your chi, y'all.
I have my own method of decluttering, redecorating and harnessing chi. It's simple, with just a few rules. All you need is a CD player and the right music and you can change your life and your chi.
I call it "Funk Sway", and it's based on one universal premise: there is no way to be unhappy when you are dancing to classic funk music.
I am a certified Funk Sway master, and by reading this you will achieve your mastery, too.
Here's what you do: go to the room you want to re-energize. This next step is a very important element to set the tone for the entire Funk Sway process: you must play the funk classic "Play That Funky Music (White Boy)" by Wild Cherry. Begin to sway...perchance to dance. When the song has concluded, choose your next song depending on what you'd like to achieve in your life.
To declutter, you must play "Pick Up The Pieces" by the Average White Band. Play it loud. Swaying will happen, trust me. Amid the swaying, and dancing, begin to literally pick up the pieces. In a few short minutes, you will be funk swaying your way into a tidier room!
To affirm your sense of gratitude, you need "Thank You (Falettime Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly and the Family Stone. Require some affirmation? It's "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus (and Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan). Want to develop a career in the movies? "Hollywood Swinging" by Kool and the Gang sets the proper tone. Lost something? Why, you need Parliament's "Flashlight" (or maybe a... neon light).
Grateful for your health and body? "Brick House" by the Commodores. Need to focus on being a more empathetic individual? "I Feel For You (I Think I Love You)" by Chaka Khan (Chaka Khan -- you know you always say it twice).
When you have met your objective for your Funk Sway session, the concluding song must be "Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)".
Your environment is now funkified. Your burdens have been laid down, and joy pervades.
It's time to free your inner funkster. Open yourself to the messages of the universe, contained in a brutal back beat and righteous horn section. Sway to the funk. Be one with the funk.
It's time to Funk Sway your chi, y'all.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Walking The Walk
Those of you who have worked with me know that sometimes I pull something and use it in a way it may not have been intended. I may use a marketing tool to assess your life. Or take a parenting technique and apply it to your business. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman is one of those multi-purpose tools I find myself using time and time again.
The book is designed for couples -- to bring them closer together. But I have found the information especially useful in a workplace setting. Let me 'splain, Lucy.
Dr. Chapman, a marriage counselor with over 30 years of experience, suggests that there are five primary ways people experience feeling loved. They are:
Physical Touch Quality Time Acts of Service Gifts Words of Affirmation
So let's look at each Love Language. Physical Touch people feel loved when they are in physical contact with others -- hugs, pats on the back, sex. In a workplace setting, Physical Touch people must be very, very careful... but if you supervise someone who is "touchy-feely", you may find a literal pat on the back may do wonders for his performance.
Quality Time folks like spending one-on-one time with another person. They will make time for you, and like when you make time for them. If someone continually finds excuses to linger in your office, they might be a Quality Time person, trying to satisfy that need.
People motivated by Acts of Service will do things for you. At home, these are people who fold and put away your laundry. Or do your dishes. Or get your car inspected, or your tires rotated. In the office, these folks might offer to get you lunch while they get their own. Or bring you a package from the front desk they just happened to spot.
Although we'd like to think that Gifts are restricted to small blue boxes from Tiffany's, Gifts can be as small as a cookie from a favorite restaurant, or a souvenir from a trip. Gifts people like knowing you were thinking of them when you were apart. Finally, people motivated by Words of Affirmation need to be told that they are valued and appreciated.
Dr. Chapman says that often we speak to others using our own Love Language -- which may or may not be relevant to the other person. This is how relationships get in trouble -- I tell you you're wonderful because I'm a Words of Affirmation person, and it means absolutely nothing to you because you're an Acts of Service person. "Sweet words are nice, but what have you done for me lately?" might be the response.
Many troubled marriages, suggests Chapman, could be saved if only the partners would speak each other's Love Language. When you consider how many women report that their husbands never "do anything around the house" -- they're expressing their Acts of Service orientation -- and how many men complain that they don't get enough sex -- they're expressing their Physical Touch leanings -- the concept of speaking Love Languages to each other becomes very clear.
Wouldn't it be fascinating to consider that the difficult boss you struggle with could be transformed - - if you just started speaking to him in his Love Language? Do a few Acts of Service, and diffuse the tension. Give him some Words of Affirmation and get him off your back...
Dr. Chapman's main point is that if you speak the other person's Love Language rather than your own, you will fill up their "Love Tank" -- increasing their attachment and regard for you -- and create a happier, healthier relationship.
I have to tell you that this really works. It works with partners, children, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers. It even works with ex-spouses! Many people have a primary language as well as a secondary one -- make it your business to know the Love Language of those important to you, as well as your own, and you will greatly increase your life satisfaction. Promise.
The book is designed for couples -- to bring them closer together. But I have found the information especially useful in a workplace setting. Let me 'splain, Lucy.
Dr. Chapman, a marriage counselor with over 30 years of experience, suggests that there are five primary ways people experience feeling loved. They are:
So let's look at each Love Language. Physical Touch people feel loved when they are in physical contact with others -- hugs, pats on the back, sex. In a workplace setting, Physical Touch people must be very, very careful... but if you supervise someone who is "touchy-feely", you may find a literal pat on the back may do wonders for his performance.
Quality Time folks like spending one-on-one time with another person. They will make time for you, and like when you make time for them. If someone continually finds excuses to linger in your office, they might be a Quality Time person, trying to satisfy that need.
People motivated by Acts of Service will do things for you. At home, these are people who fold and put away your laundry. Or do your dishes. Or get your car inspected, or your tires rotated. In the office, these folks might offer to get you lunch while they get their own. Or bring you a package from the front desk they just happened to spot.
Although we'd like to think that Gifts are restricted to small blue boxes from Tiffany's, Gifts can be as small as a cookie from a favorite restaurant, or a souvenir from a trip. Gifts people like knowing you were thinking of them when you were apart. Finally, people motivated by Words of Affirmation need to be told that they are valued and appreciated.
Dr. Chapman says that often we speak to others using our own Love Language -- which may or may not be relevant to the other person. This is how relationships get in trouble -- I tell you you're wonderful because I'm a Words of Affirmation person, and it means absolutely nothing to you because you're an Acts of Service person. "Sweet words are nice, but what have you done for me lately?" might be the response.
Many troubled marriages, suggests Chapman, could be saved if only the partners would speak each other's Love Language. When you consider how many women report that their husbands never "do anything around the house" -- they're expressing their Acts of Service orientation -- and how many men complain that they don't get enough sex -- they're expressing their Physical Touch leanings -- the concept of speaking Love Languages to each other becomes very clear.
Wouldn't it be fascinating to consider that the difficult boss you struggle with could be transformed - - if you just started speaking to him in his Love Language? Do a few Acts of Service, and diffuse the tension. Give him some Words of Affirmation and get him off your back...
Dr. Chapman's main point is that if you speak the other person's Love Language rather than your own, you will fill up their "Love Tank" -- increasing their attachment and regard for you -- and create a happier, healthier relationship.
I have to tell you that this really works. It works with partners, children, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers. It even works with ex-spouses! Many people have a primary language as well as a secondary one -- make it your business to know the Love Language of those important to you, as well as your own, and you will greatly increase your life satisfaction. Promise.
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