Mind Your Own Business

Imagine you're a business owner. Say you have a restaurant and you do a fair business, but you could always use more customers and revenue. One day a guy walks in and asks if you cater. You think a moment and say to yourself, "Well, food's food. I guess I can cater" and, voila! You've got a new line of business -- you're a caterer.

Imagine another person comes in to the restaurant and says, "Charlie, you're a capable person and I like you a lot. Can I pay you to wallpaper my bathroom?"

Now, wait a second. Catering is to restaurant, as wallpapering is to...what?

This is exactly the moment many small business owners get off track. Especially when money's short. A client requests something that's not particularly in your sweet spot, but you do it, thinking, "Gotta get me some money." The end result: you spend less time on your business, it suffers and, voila! You have less money.

Saying no is hard. It's particularly hard to say no to earning money when you really need the cash. But think about it this way: saying no frees up your time to earn money building your business and doing more of what you like.

How do you know if what you're being offered is a new, lucrative business opportunity or just a waste of time? Glad you asked. Here are my Three Handy Things To Ask Yourself When Offered a Business Opportunity (catchy title, huh?):

What Do I Want For My Business? As a restaurateur, I want to offer good, well-prepared meals to people at fair prices. [Just as an aside, this is the quick and easy question anyone can ask themselves to come up with a mission statement -- you just saved yourself thousands in consulting fees.]

Will This Opportunity Help Build My Business or Not? Catering allows the restaurateur to continue to offer good, well-prepared meals to people at fair prices. It's only the delivery system that changes. However, wallpapering doesn't allow the fulfillment of his mission statement in any way, shape or form.

How Do I Feel About This Opportunity? If you feel conflicted or uneasy or downright icky about it, use the Force, Luke, and listen to your feelings. If you feel uneasy before it even starts, imagine how you'll feel when six months go by and you're not cooking any meals -- just endlessly wallpapering bathrooms.

And, you're saying to me, I don't own my own business. This is not relevant to me. Oh, really?

Most of us face moments when we are offered something that we could do, but aren't sure if we should do. I'm suggesting that my Three Handy Things To Ask Yourself can be used whenever you need to evaluate doing something new.

What do I want for my life? Will this help me grow, or not? How do I feel about this?

Whenever you need to sort out options, and feel... oh, overwhelmed or uncertain or just plain icky, take the time to remember what it is you set out to do -- then, feel free to say yes or no.

Standard Operating Procedure

The military invented the idea of Standard Operating Procedure. When in doubt, default to the SOP and, by taking the specified steps, your outcome will be exactly as the SOP predicts.

In my time in government, I came to think "SOP" really stood for "Same Old Plan". The Same Old Plan keeps things safe and comfortable -- and the outcome predictable.

Which is OK.

But not exactly creative. Or ground-breaking. Or exciting. Or quick. Or always right. In truth, the SOP doesn't have to solve the problem -- it just has to be followed.

I discovered that sometimes, in order to really solve the problem, you have to throw out the SOP in favor of a NIP. A New Innovative Plan.

To build a NIP, all you have to do is exactly the opposite of what the SOP requires. There's an old joke that goes something like this: "Man: 'Doctor, it hurts when I go like this' (banging his head against the table) Doctor: 'The cure is simple. Stop banging your head against the table.'"

Plain and simple -- a NIP keeps you from banging your head against the table. Here's a helpful way to decide if you need a NIP or an SOP -- if a SOP works, keep doing it. But if it's not working, NIP it in the bud. [I crack myself up.]

If your weight loss plan isn't working, take a look at your SOP. Not the SOP you tell everyone, but the SOP you actually follow, which is something like: "I'll get started on my diet tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to have this half gallon of ice cream." Remember, your NIP is the exact opposite of what you usually do, so your NIP is, "I'm starting right now and not eating the ice cream."

Want better communication with your teenager? Look at how you're communicating now. If your SOP is lectures, edicts and nagging, do you really wonder why she won't talk with you? Try the opposite -- listening, asking questions and showing respect for her opinions. You may not see a cleaner room, but you'll definitely have a better relationship.

"I keep meeting the same kind of guys," says a single woman. "They're irresponsible and all they want is a good time." OK. "Where are you looking?" she's asked. "Oh, in strip clubs, off-track betting shops and at dog fights. I guess there just aren't any respectable men left." Oh, there are plenty of them -- in places opposite to where you're looking. Try libraries, offices, dog parks, animal shelters, shopping malls, churches, synagogues, mosques and Buddhist meditation centers. For a start.

In the places in your life where you're stuck, take a look at your SOP. If it's not working for you, if you're not making the change you really, really want, then give a NIP a try. Do the exact opposite of what you've been doing, and watch your progress.

There's a disputed quote, attributed to both Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein, defining insanity as "doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome." In that light, following a SOP is often an insane course. The NIP, however, is a pretty sane approach, don't you think?

You can attribute that one to me.

Having Fun

So this woman calls me last week. Says she's happy -- really happy -- doesn't need a coach really. Just wants to talk. Well, maybe there is just this one thing. Kinda small. Not a big deal.

See, she's got this job she doesn't really like but it pays pretty well -- you don't have to LOVE your work, right? You just have to get the check and support your lifestyle, even if the job is a soul-sucking, mind-numbing dead end. I mean, she does the job very well.

Oh, and, by the way, she's got a four hour daily commute to the soul-sucking, mind-numbing dead end job she only does for the money. She doesn't have time to connect with her husband. She feels guilty when she misses activities with her kids, so she schedules them into lots of stuff -- she's gotta work to pay for all that, right? And, for herself? No time for book club, no time for gardening, no time for nuthin'.

I have to tell you, I really liked this woman. She's smart, she's well-spoken, she's caring and kind. She's got so much going for her. And, like a lot of us, she's completely stuck in a rut.

If you're stuck in some kind of rut yourself, there is nothing better to do than incorporate some fun into your life.

Yes,that's what I said: fun.

Next to money and sex, fun is one of the most difficult things for us grown-ups to talk about. It's as if having fun is irresponsible once you crest a certain threshold of adulthood. But...

Think about when you're having fun. You're excited, you're laughing, you're in the moment -- you're happy. The Buddhists suggest "child's mind" when tackling a new problem (or just walking through your life) -- fun and play are the best ways to achieve child's mind. Jesus taught that the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like little children. And, how do children like to spend their time? Why, by having fun!

So, let me ask you: Are you playing every day? Are you having fun?

Take a moment to have some fun today. Clear off the coffee table and play mini-hockey with your kids. Do a cannonball off the high dive. Dance. Take your husband to the go-kart track and race. Giggle. Paint your mother's portrait with finger paints. Hang a spoon off your nose at dinner. Buy some Play-Doh. Have a water balloon fight. Hopscotch.

Have no purpose to your fun. Forget the teaching moments. Just play. Play and relax.

You're never too old for fun. Fun is never inappropriate. In fact, fun is catching. If folks see you have fun, they'll have fun themselves.

If your work is not fun, try to incorporate some fun into it. If you can't, find something more fun to do. Yes, your lifestyle may change. But that can be OK. It's happened before. After a divorce, Karen drops the country club and joins a hiking club. After successfully beating cancer, John leaves his job and starts teaching school. When the kids leave for college, Hannah and George sell the big house and spend a year sailing the Caribbean. A woman wakes up one morning and realizes there is more to life than a four hour commute, and makes some changes.

How you live is completely up to you -- if your lifestyle interferes with living your life, ditch the lifestyle for something much more real and much more fun.

Need More Time?

Need more time? Have enough time to get everything done? Are there things that remain on your to-do list -- for years? Stuff you never get around to tackling, oh, like exercising, finding a new job or actually having friends?

It's a modern predicament many of us face. But here's a strategy that really works: simply think about your time differently.

Imagine you have 100 units of energy to spend each day. You can't take from yesterday, because those 100 units are gone. You can't borrow from tomorrow, because those units belong to tomorrow.

You've just got 100 to use today. How will you allocate them?

First, you have to assess how you're spending your time. Take a pen and paper (or a crayon and the back of an envelope, or a Sharpie and a docile housepet) and write down everything you did yesterday. Start with what time you woke up, when you got out of bed, what you did next, and next, and next -- all the way to the time you went to sleep.

Now, remember: how you use your time reveals your true priorities. How did you use your time yesterday? What does that reveal about your priorities?

Let's say you have a priority to find a new job, but allocated no energy to that pursuit yesterday (or the day before, or the day before). Could it be that you really don't want a new job -- but that your spouse is pressuring you to make more money? Or, your daddy said you'd be successful when you made regional manager, but you'd rather not do sales at all?

When you really want something, you'll allocate energy to it. Plain and simple.

Friends, it is also possible to use "lack of time" as a way to avoid taking action, or to avoid something unpleasant. If you think that's the case, look at the priority you allegedly want to pursue. Do you really want it? Are you avoiding something? Is the priority yours? Or someone else's?

A priority that someone else places upon you is called a "should" -- such as: you should always put ketchup in a dish, not serve it in the bottle at dinner time; you should be a doctor and make a ton of money; you should have a housekeeper; you shouldn't have a housekeeper; you should keep your house tidy at all times; you should be thinner, smarter, hotter or blonder.

When really all you should be is -- you. Shoulds limit us. They force us to serve another person's priorities rather than our own. We depart from who we are in an effort to meet someone else's needs -- which may not allow us to be our best. That, my friends, is the path to unhappiness. Let's all focus on being happy, and eliminate shoulds. Agreed?

If you look at how you spent your 100 units of energy yesterday and realize that another person took 70 units, they better have a darn good reason. Most of us are ready to help another person in crisis -- but when that crisis goes on for weeks, months, years, you need to take a hard look and ask yourself whether the energy suck is keeping you from reaching your own priorities. If so, set some boundaries and re-shift your energy units to serve you better.

You have 100 units of energy to spend today. How will you use them to support your priorities?

Supply & Demand

"I don't even know who I am any more," the 40-something woman across the table said to me. "Am I just someone's mom? Someone's wife? The chauffeur? The person who does the laundry and cooks the meals? Is that all I am?"

It's a perverse irony -- we love to do things for others, yet by doing so we often lose ourselves. We're always ready to help others, always available to tend to that which needs tending. We’re so accommodating that our help becomes expected rather than appreciated.

It's a fact that when things become too easy, too plentiful, too ubiquitous, they are often taken for granted. This is true whether it's a person place or thing. The bottom line is that when something is too available, it is less valuable.

But that's supply and demand for you. Too much supply in the system yields lower value. More demand than supply raises value.

If you are someone who derives meaning and purpose from being needed, you may find that your willingness to drop your priorities to help others meet their priorities devalues both you and what you want to do.

Here’s an example: The laundry is always done on time. Your family comes to expect it. There is always food, and no one fixes meals but you. You help with homework. You come running when called. Even when you are knee deep in paying bills, figuring income taxes or coordinating the big fundraiser, you drop what you are doing to help someone else. You feel frustrated because you never seem to finish anything, and you can't concentrate long enough to focus on the big picture.

Another example: You have a big project on your dance card. You chunk it up into doable steps and make a plan for getting it all done on time. Then Jim pops his head into your cube and says, "Can you help me with the Framastan contract?" You like being needed, especially by Jim (who is a good guy but REALLY needy), so you say, "Sure!" Next thing you know, Jim is presenting and not mentioning that you helped in any way -- and your project is still not done.

An example of putting your own needs last: Your source of soul-boosting strength is full sweat mountain biking. However, whenever you go biking you feel guilty if you don't bring your two year old along in a bike seat, and your five year old along on his own bike. They can't manage trails, so you stick to the flat path. You never break a sweat and your soul is teased, but not nourished.

When your needs are always trumped by another’s needs, you telegraph the message “I am not important.” Oh, you may feel important in the doing, and in being needed. But if your own objectives and priorities are not valued – even by you – your own objectives and priorities will fall by the wayside.

When you provide endless supply, the value of what you provide is diminished. In fact, your very sense of self becomes diminished.

How do you get supply and demand into appropriate balance? Start by honoring your own needs, values, objectives and priorities. Easier said than done? OK, I’ll give you a script.

Your child yells, “Hey, come look at this!” You say, “Sweetie pie, I am working on the taxes and can’t come right now. Can you explain to me what you see?” That way, if what he wants you to see is a commercial for Snappy-Poppy O’s or an escaped gerbil or, oh, blood, you can react accordingly. You are also teaching him that what you do is important and deserves respect. A great life lesson.

Jim asks for help on the Framastan contract. You say, “Jim, I’d love to help you but I have to get this project done by Thursday at 3pm. Can I help you after that?” In all likelihood, Jim will move on and look for another sucker to do his work for him. And you have proven that you are not that sucker.

You plan to go mountain biking to work up a sweat and feed your soul. Keep that objective in mind and leave the kids at home in the care of someone wonderful (then, when you get home and are showered, push that caring someone out the door for his or her own soul-feeding time). Prioritize your “me time” – because doing so helps you be a better parent.

Sometimes your over-supply of “help and assistance” can be read as “You are not capable of doing this for yourself” or “You will make a muddle of this, so I am going to take care of it.” Both of these sentiments completely disempower the other person. Think about it: when you go on a girl’s weekend once a year and always arrange a babysitter to support your husband, what message are you sending? That he’s incapable of effective parenting? Then why in the world do you complain that he never does anything? You’ve already sent him the message that he can’t, loud and clear.

We lose ourselves, like the 40-year old woman I talked with, when we devalue our selves by being too available, and not honoring our own needs and objectives. So, be careful of what you supply. Calibrate your help and assistance to meet reasonable demands. Keep your value up by giving others the chance to meet their own demands. You have a right to know who you are, and you get it through a steady supply of self-respect.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Isn’t the Internet a wonderful thing? You can read something interesting, then click to something else quite interesting, which leads, hours later, to an utterly random yet extremely fascinating article, completely unrelated to what got you started.

Using just this circuitous method, I stumbled on an interview with researcher Beverly Whipple, recently named one of the world's 50 most influential living scientists by New Scientist magazine. Whipple, professor emeritus at Rutgers University, began her career as a nurse and switched to sex research 44 years ago when a patient asked if a man who had suffered a heart attack could ever have sex again. In the course of her career, she has answered that question and many others.

One line from the interview really jumped out at me. When asked the difference between men and women in terms of sex, Whipple replied, “Men are goal oriented, and women are pleasure oriented.”

Well, now. That makes a ton of sense, doesn’t it?

Then I wondered if there were other areas of life where this is true. Sure, some men are keen to experience, not just rush to a goal. And women are known to set and meet goals. But in the aggregate, the idea that men have one definition of success and women have another has implications in the boardroom, as well as the bedroom. As I pondered, I realized there are plenty of examples of this, especially if you exchange the word “pleasure” for “experience”.

Think about shopping. A man goes into a Shopping Situation with a seek-and-destroy mindset: “I need two new shirts, a tie and boxers, then I’m out of here!” Women may have things they need to pick up, but also look at the possibilities. “Sharon would like this!” or “This might work for Tom.” Women often shop with a friend, and make a day of it. They pay attention to ambiance, texture, sounds.

He has a goal. She’s after an experience.

Another example? The NCAA Final Four bracket chart. Can you think of another more goal-oriented deal than that? A guy will completely fill in the bracket and track the progress of the teams to the ultimate goal – the #1 position. On the other hand, when I watch college basketball I am fascinated by the stories, “Brent, the power forward, Lucas Jones, certainly has faced adversity. He was raised by his loving, asthmatic grandmother in Waukegon's gritty inner city after he tragically lost his parents to a freak Zamboni incident at age 8. He’s a mentor to little kids at the Girls and Boys Club, a ventriloquist and a straight A student.” Ahhwww. Women are suckers for that stuff. It’s all part of the experience.

Women are color commentators, men are play-by-play.

So, where else does it matter that men are goal oriented and women are experience oriented? Let’s get back to sex. Many men, and plenty of women, feel that orgasm is the goal of sex. Some men feel that there must be “something wrong” if their partner doesn’t climax. Yet, I was surprised to learn from Professor Whipple that over 70% of women report they do not have orgasm every time they have intercourse. Sadly, there are a lot of women, and men, who feel “less than” sexually when, in fact, they are quite normal. The average woman takes 20 minutes to become sexually aroused -- and, how shall I say it, in the rush to make their goal, many men forget not only the time, but the day of the week [insert laugh track here].

Imagine the mutual satisfaction if a man was aware that the experience is what is important to a woman, rather than rating "success" on whether she did or didn’t have an orgasm. What if he fully supported her "pleasure for the sake of pleasure" and de-emphasized orgasm? With less pressure to perform for both parties, there would be better, and dare I say it, more sex.

I have to write a word about "male performance". What a doofy phrase. As if the man performs and the woman applauds. As we've seen above, that's not always true. Take it from me, it's not a performance, gents. Writer Gary Zukav talks very eloquently about the power of the sexual connection in his book The Seat of The Soul. In that book, Zukav suggests that forgetting the spiritual aspect of sex strips it of its meaning. In that way, too, the idea of "male performance" strips sex of the mutuality of the moment.

Just understanding that he needs a goal and she needs an experience could transform a relationship. Rather than expecting him to love shopping, just like she does, a woman could say, “I am going to respect his need to seek-and-destroy when he’s shopping and not browbeat him to enjoy it as much as I do.” Or a man might plan an outing with a woman and say, “Rather than try to climb to the top of Mt. Baldy as fast as possible, I'm going to make sure Susan really enjoys the experience. We'll move at a reasonable pace and stop halfway to have a picnic lunch.”

Wouldn’t it be great if a male manager could acknowledge that there is more to work than meeting and beating objectives – and reward women who focus on team-building and systems strengthening? And a woman manager could recognize that the guys on the team need the satisfaction of having something to strive toward, and create a process to measure and reward progress toward the goal?

There is so much to learn and appreciate from the differences between men and women. If a man can learn from a woman to slow down and enjoy the experience, while the woman learns the satisfaction of making and reaching goals, a kind of relational balance can be had – a balance which makes life for each of them that much more full.

A Peaceful, Easy Feeling

One of the biggest challenges many of my coaching clients face is making a decision. It's as if choosing one course forever closes out all other options. "What if I hate it?" they ask. "What if I make the wrong choice?" And they stay stuck in the limbo land of indecision.

Let's get this on the table: there are indeed wrong choices, from a moral perspective. But some decisions have no moral component -- in those cases there are only choices with differing consequences. We get wrapped around the axle when we think that our decisions are set in concrete, when, really, only a few of them are.

Choosing a college for your child -- does it need to be The Perfect School? Not really. I've known plenty of successful people who transferred schools and ended up with pretty darn happy lives. Does it have to be The Perfect Job? Nope. I'll bet you know someone who actually left a job and found a better one. The Perfect Marketing Campaign? With modern tracking technologies, strategies can shift instantaneously. The Perfect Couch? Who among us has only one couch for their entire life?

Very few decisions are forever. Knowing that can be liberating. And should make your decision-making a tad easier.

So, here's my method for sorting through your many opportunities and fixing on the one with the best possible consequences -- Consider It, Feel It, Do It.

Consider It: I suggest people get into a quiet place with no distractions. This immediately conjures up the lotus position for some people and their hands start to get all sweaty. It's hard to concentrate when water is pooling in your palms, don't you think? A quiet place for some people can be found in a brisk walk, driving, or repetitive physical activity -- so find the way that works for you. When you get still, review your options. Pretend you have decided on one choice. What are the consequences of making that choice? What might happen? What do you get? What do you give up? As you weigh this choice, ask yourself, "If I do this, will I be in my integrity? Does this choice support my values?" If your value is to spend more time with your spouse and children, taking a job which requires 60 hours on the road every week is not going to get you more of what you want. It's actually going to get you less. It's at this point that you have to ask yourself, "Is it true that I want to spend more time with my spouse and kids?" Whatever the response, make sure it's really speaking to your truth and integrity -- not what other folks think your values and integrity should be. When we make choices in conflict with our real integrity and values, we create tension and friction in our lives.

Feel It: Still holding the idea that you have made a choice, how does it feel in your body? In your heart? In your head? Your feelings matter, so pay attention. If you feel tension in your neck and shoulders or a big honking knot in the pit of your stomach as you consider your course, that's a big tip off that it may be the wrong direction for you to take at this time. Of course, you also have to be honest with yourself. You can talk yourself into that 60 hour a week road warrior job because the money and benefits are great, but your body will find a way to tell you that your choice is against something you value -- you'll get sick, you'll get depressed, you'll get all snippy -- and you'll know you have to make another choice.

Do It: Here's the point where you decide. I call this "Opening The Chute" -- as if you're a rodeo rider on the back of a bucking bronco. You can only mess with the rope in your hand and adjust your hat so much. At some point, you have to open the chute and take the ride. But here's the twist: you make your choice with a bit of detachment. That's right, it's just a test. While you're doing whatever you've chosen, you are testing to see if it's right. You refine your approach. You collect data about what you're doing. You keep feeling it in your body. You persist through "decider's remorse" and keep testing. If at some point your choice no longer feels right, stop. That's right. Just stop. And consider the new options that present themselves. That may mean a new job, it may mean a new school, it may mean a new marketing campaign or a new couch. And that's perfectly OK. It's simply another chance to test your decision-making skills.

Are you one of those people who equate difficulty with working hard? That is, "anything worth doing is going to be a chore?" If so, it will be a challenge for you to make a valid assessment of your tests, because you may have internalized the idea that adversity as a good thing. You may never have known the ease that comes from thoughtful decision-making. I can assure you it's out there, and once you experience it you'll never want to go back to banging your head against the wall.

When you go through the process I've outlined with each opportunity available to you, you will be able to sort through them and find the one with the most peaceful, easy feeling. That peaceful, easy feeling comes when you're in The Zone, when you're operating like a hot knife through butter. It's an effortlessness and ease of being that makes living your life a pleasure. It's living with integrity, in support of your values.

Some of us, in the deepest recesses of our soul, think, "Who am I to make decisions for myself? I'm not smart enough, thin enough, strong enough, educated enough, loved enough, or just plain enough." I ask, "Who are you not to?" You are entitled to have your own needs, preferences and feelings. Making decisions for yourself, and handling the consequences, is also your right. If you give that right away, you give away the right to create a life of your own making.

Deciding is integral to human living. Few of us are exempt. And making decisions is generally not a one-time thing. We decide about the job only to face a set of decisions about the house. We choose the school, then have to choose the major. It's a couch, then a rug. So it's important to get really, really good at it -- because mastering decision-making prevents us from getting stuck in limbo land and allows us to craft a life of our own design.

How To Get What You Want

Have you heard about The Secret? It’s a book developed from a movie – and it’s got incredible buzz. It’s sold 1.7 million copies since Thanksgiving. When it was featured on Oprah's TV show February 8th of this year, viewers almost crashed her website seeking more information.

The idea behind The Secret is not a new one – I’m going to tell you The Secret right now, so stop reading if you don’t want to know it -- it’s this: You can get anything you want. If you just ask and believe, you will receive.

This idea has been around since man first sparked flint against stone. Some people call it The Power of Positive Thinking, some people call it Cosmic Ordering, some people call it Intention Setting, some call it the Attractor Factor, and some folks just call it prayer. The gist is that you can draw positive things to you by your intention and attitude.

The people behind The Secret are truly marketing geniuses – they’ve reworked an ancient idea and made it a multi-million dollar fad. But I’m afraid some folks using The Secret are going to be disappointed.

Because it’s not just the asking that’s important. You have to know why you’re asking in the first place.

I have to disclose that I believe strongly in the power of visualization, intention setting and attracting what you want. In fact, I do it regularly. And it works. My method is a little different from The Secret, and I’ll share it with you now. It won’t cost you a nickel.

Michele's Secret: just Center, Seek, Visualize, Request, continue to Visualize, and you will Receive.

So, first, you have to find your Center. That means you have to get in the place where you do your best, clearest thinking. For some, it may be a quiet meditative spot. Some may find taking a brisk walk or a run conducive to thought. Others might choose the perennial favorite, the shower (as in “I do my best thinking in the shower!”). Some people find Zen in folding laundry. Whatever. Just get yourself clear and focused.

Then, Seek. The Seeking phase is where you ask yourself “What do I want?” For me, this question has two parts: “What do I want more of that I already have?” and, “What do I want that I don’t have?”

Let’s say you Center and Seek and come up with: I want a Mercedes-Benz. If you stop right there and ask the Universe for a Mercedes-Benz, I have to tell you – you’re probably not going to get it. Before you Request, you have to know why you want a Mercedes.

If you answer, “I want a Mercedes because then everyone will know I’m rich and can afford a car like that”, then you are coming from a place of ego and the Universe doesn’t reward ego-based desires. Sorry. An intention that can only be fulfilled by hurting someone else is likewise a no go. So no intentions around your ex getting hit by falling space debris. Bummer.

If you pursue the idea “If I have a Mercedes, everyone will know I’m rich” down to the core, you might find that what you seek is affirmation – and that's what you truly need to attend to. The car is just a dodge from the real problem.

However, if when you Seek you come up with, “I want a Mercedes because they are well-built vehicles and a ton of fun to drive,” then that is a pure intention. How do you know it’s pure? Simple. If the result you desire is just for you, doesn't harm anyone and doesn't involve any other person's perception of you, then you aren't coming from ego.

And don’t think you can say one thing and really mean another – the key to this whole deal is aligning your intention at your deepest level of mind and spirit. An ego-based intention, even if it’s unspoken, will never get you what you want.

After you Center and Seek, you Visualize. We know visualization works in sports, we know it works in business. It also works in regular old life. So, Visualize sitting in your Mercedes. What’s the seat feel like? How is the steering wheel under your fingers? What’s the engine sound like?At this point, I also ask myself, “What do I need to attract into my life to get this?” If you want that Mercedes, you may have to attract reasonable financing, or a windfall, or a pay boost. If you want deep meaningful intimate relationships, you may need to attract thoughtful, open and loving people into your life.

Then, you Request. When I Request, I usually write it down. I express gratitude for what I have, and ask for what I want. In my case, I am asking God – and you can ask God, too, however you happen to perceive God. You can also release your desire to the Universe, to nothingness, to your guardian angel, to Jackie Chan. Whatever organizes the world for you.

After you Request, you keep Visualizing what it will be like to get what you want. You hold that powerful visualization in your mind and you keep touching base with it, throughout the days and weeks to come.

And, believe it or not, you will Receive what you want..

“Pshaw.” That’s what I hear a reader from Pennsylvania saying. “What a bunch of hooey.”

OK, I can prove this works. On Tuesday, February 20, 2007, I did this exercise. I came up with four things I want in my life. I will share two of them. I asked for support of my financial goals by sending me clients who I can help. I also asked for help expressing myself through my writing and speaking.

By the time I went to bed on Wednesday, February 21, 2007, I had: three new clients; two clients who paid me for work done in December and January; one new speaking engagement; and, four good leads on publishing.

Coincidence? Maybe. But it sure as shootin' happened. And it’s not the first time. Center, Seek, Visualize, Request, continue to Visualize and, then, you will Receive.

Exciting, isn’t it? What would happen if you gave it a try? What would happen if you actually asked for what you want?

Why you just might get it.